With strong regret and intention to restrain in the future I admit this emotional outburst posted on July 4th right during my re-entry into Estads Unidos under very messy y peligroso conditions.
Yes I was all in roaring loud voice over a NYC cop or two on 4th of July, but this is how it was, full context here:
After very intense and powerful month+ in Serbia and all virus traveling tension I crossed trough welcome to USA control and questioning at JFK border security in a fine and smooth way. Takes more time nowadays in COVID19 and world wide teroristas and refugees tense messy fabricated times but I was among first in line out off the Air Serbia Eurobus 313. And I liked very nice clarity check by a smart immigration officer, asking me logical questions and also measuring level of my calm abiding in providing answers with much skill. He was good cop interrogation 101 asking me loose like walking in a park with a neighbor. And all ending with “thanks boss” from him with a slide of my passport as a wish everybody’s entrance into this place is that simple.
Outside of “international area of JFK” American dream was still on. Yes, not so many people like before due to the virus situation, but still: half a dozen welcoming signs, few bouquet of flowers and some cheers of joy for Olga, Olga here, here Olgaaa!
At Welcome Center a nice mannered Mahalia J like lady affirmed my expectation of public transportation being reduced: no busses to Manhattan on Independence Day; and we agreed on how the best, how the only way was JFK Airtrain to Jamaica in Queens and from there E train to Midtown West Penn Railroad station… from where I have 7:15 PM train to Upstate NY, to Rhineclif.
And it was 5:43.
During my ride from Jamaica in Queens to Penn on Manhattan I was honestly not even noticing where I actually landed. All was good to me because I was glad my maiden flight with Air Serbia from Tesla Airport in Belgrade to JFK NYC was really fine. I saw two Serbian movies: “Boomerang” a black comedy with all star cast of Serbian very best. That power cast made it so good I laughed out loud at Milena Dravic on coke; while sitting next to a falling in love Spanish lady material, she returning from 3 months in Serbia all happy and shining trough her golden frame John Lennon like specs.
I also saw “Goat’s Ears” a female Serbian film maker I met few years ago while this film was in production; directing one Serbian major and mature star – Meryl Streep caliber – in a comedy drama of her character the idealist young student from the 1960 now facing life hardships of old age during “its liberal democracy folks” scary share of post Yugoslavia banana republics absurd life in make belief country.
Rewinding, being happy of my fine flight in underground E train from Queens to Penn I was not aware how today on Independence Day July 4th two were killed and 10 injured by gunfire as violent summer continues in NYC.
Like that I got out of E train at 34th and 8th Avenue.
Living in my beautiful day and not aware of Independence day chaos around me I was just focused on making my train from Penn to historic Rhineclif, Upstate NY at 7:15 PM… and it was 6:35.
As many know NYC Penn Station goes from 30th to 34th Streets between Seventh and Eighth Avenues. There are a few above-ground entrances to the station: on Seventh Avenue at 32nd Street; on 34th Street between Seventh and Eighth Avenues; and on Eighth Avenue and 33rd Street.
I got up and out onto the hot asphalt of NYC at that 34th and 8th Avenue hole. So from that – above E train station bellow – vintage point, humongous Penn Station itself was not visible. Specially because a huge crowd on the street and on the avenda Ocho, moving, loud talking, and maneuvering all over… was blocking all… an no cars at all. And no happy sounds and articulated something but discombobulated real world with tense vibe mess just noticed… and decoded right there and then I am not going to live that movie at all.
Stay focus on not being dragged into anything and getting on 7:15 train out of here was my thing.
Both sides of both 34th street and 8th Avenue were used by people for this uneasy socializing, and lounging out, sitting on their own chairs and around camping time tables with big screens on them, and all like almost home on the street, but all made with tense attitude. Four African American men were unpacking a big bbq box with unruly fun while two ladies with two styro plates each full of long sausages were rushing their man to “unpack that thing” and “don’t worry I told you its electric, don’t need no fire, just get that thing out of the box honey”. Another member of that body of protesters living outside for the holiday and protest was laying down low and red eyed happy this Independence Day; very satisfied with his lady sitting in the back of his brand new blue lounger and working on his dreads in play music act.
I was in all that action all over on one side of 8th Ave where I came out, and on the other side police force of all kinds from the uniformas, and just golden shining badges around their necks, to authoritative civilians moving around in small groups and controlling what can be controlled. And the very square where 34th street and 8th Avenue join was empty… mass movement of all kinds on all 4 sides of this empty square was loud. Then two police little jeeps drove into that empty space from avenida Ocho side.
I figured in this loud mess the best is to ask them where is my Penn Station from here, whats the best way to get to it. By the time I emerged out from protesters side crowd into empty 8th@34th square with my backpack and office tote those two police vehicles were already entering slowly into the crowded 34th street, at super slow speed, clearing the space so cars can go trough a full of resolve not so festive y determined protesters just minding their life on the street biz protest right to do.
Still in my “I gotta 7;15 train to make” mode I realize the police vehicles are gone now for me as source of direction, can’t stop them now to ask, they are gone into the crowd. Therefore I am choosing one of young officers who was securing this two little police jeeps maneuver on foot. He was looking at me like I feel from Mars when I asked him: Excuse me whats the best way to Penn Station from here, I have less that half an hour to make it.
– There – cop responded not believing my question, and I and I with a backpack on my back and office tote in my hand, and all in black, with black hat too, (since my mother passed away 43 days ago).
– Where – I howl on our part of that loud hot stage of that empty square where 34th and 8th meet.
– There – cop goes again showing me towards Madison Square Garden and ready to jump on me if needed.
– Where!?!? – I tilt since in my limited knowledge on NYC I was into my know that Madison Square Garden and Penn Station are not related, in orientation at all. From here, if I am close to Penn Station, Madison Square Garden should be on the right and to the back of me, not on the left and in front of me.
– There. – he was not giving me a drop of water in the desert of this Independence Day.
– Do you know any other word than “there”? And can you point a bit more accurate where is that there of yours. – I had to be loud like on a horse race track, and so generated some interest from the crowd.
It was hot and my t-shirt was all soaking wet, goal voda in Serbian.
– I told you, there. – cop was not making effort at all.
– Let me tell you something officer, if this is your New York City hospitality… how can you, what? its Uranus in retrograde or you just don’t care. – I was roaring and he just measuring me like don’t euck with me man…
On that attitude of his I got furious, and knowing I better use that energy elsewhere, like hot knife furioso trough butter went trough revoltive crowd, palpable on the nasty edge and inflammable bunch after bunch on my way, just clearing them all out “sorry bro I am busy, gotta make my train”… and in that way clear cut found entrance into Penn station; after I asked two white stocky y all inked girls in love who had their Independence Day cocktail on their camping dinning set in the middle of the sidewalk on 34th street off avadina Ocho.
Inside the Penn station’s big hallway was same mess like outside. Almost all space was well barricaded and bunch of crowd control mobile fences installed all over the huge Penn stations hallway. There was 12 minutes left till departure but one of only 3 tellers, with some 30 windows con nobody there, was showing me I gotta go trough this huge layout of crowd control barriers and barricades and all around, and around in almost a mile long labyrinth with nobody in it; just to reach him there all alone and not busy with other two just doing nothing.
I opted to forget his instruction and go down head first, and deeply bowing more down pass under one of the belt dividers to cut trough this extra security maze space. That one of only 3 tellers hated me doing it but away and behind thick glass he was helpless in stoping me do it. By third obstacle like that me going head first and deeply bowing my backpack’s very top cached a tip of the dividing belt and almost knocked two metal poles down, but did not.
And I came to his darn teller with o noting happened joy smile for angry him just sitting there.
– Seems like you are having a good time here young man, – he said angrily – you know you can get arrested for that shit.
– O ye arrested from running out of this place you are so happy living in. Do you see how all this does not make any sense.
– What are you talking about? Where do you want to go?
– Do you feel safe? Maa, o please one to Rhineclif. – I was disgusted.
– One to Rhineclif-Kingston, and no cash, only card. – he was official in huck you tone.
– O, I see, ok, that is interesting, you don’t take cash. – I was matter a factual.
– No I don’t. – he was privatizing our event.
– So no card no train?
– That’s correct.
– Independence Day nightmare in virus terror world, not ever recognizing slavery. Do you hear yourself?
– What are you talking about young man?
– Nothing. Me young man!?! I am way older than you for crying out load. You see us! – I was overpowered with mercy love for this poor man in his old and scary young age. Going beneath the waves of frustration with ignorance and suffering, and was now swimming in the stillness of my inner peace compassion seeing horror. And I experienced all of life with stillness in motion in this big karmic order mess.
I will make it to my train despite all this shame of human behavior on Independencia Day.
A close relationship with this human mess on Earth helps me see all life, and my life line specially in a different way. Renunciation is a no-brainer.
And actually I enjoy having my assumptions challenged. Thats why I like spending so much time with uncomfortable life and with who is willing to contradict me. Big Hesse was full on on that. And all same with small me.
Most important I realize again is affection. Compassion, not just to friend, colleague, or romantic partner but to pursue a creative ways of moving and loving most ignorant or most cold blood hired, equally as my mother.
Once with a ticket and 5 minutes to spare I walked all around all barricaded Penn station huge hallway and finally found Kreemy Crispy Donuts or something like that open, and wi-fi active so I can contact Oonaja and tell her I will be on that 7:15 train.
– When is the train arriving here? – my dear friend in Upstate NY near Woodstock asked.
– Are you kidding me, we are lucky I have a ticket in my hand, I am calling you from Independence Day nut house and thats all I know.
Hallo, always great to see other people through the hole world in my searching, I really appreciate the time it should have taken to put together this awesome article. Cheers Madonna Lazarus Flan
hello I love the header of your blog, it is a personal creation?
Emlyn Natty Melly
Thank you Madonna Lazarus Flan, all best in 2021!
hello thank you, yes it is