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MEDICINE BUDDHA PRESENTATION AND GUIDED MEDITATION
or
AI MEETS AI
(Following is the manifesto, summary and guided Medicine Buddha meditation I offered at 125th annual convention at Halcyon, California from August 3. to August 11. 2024.)

Thank you all for coming, it is nice to be here at Halcyon again. Previous time when I was here your Guardian and Chief introduced me as a Buddhist which is a big compliment that inspired me to be realistic about it and define myself, my spiritual path for you in more realistic way as EXPERIENCEalist … so even i will present to you in 3 days sessions a Tibetan Buddhist practice of Medicine Buddha Sange Menla please have in mind i am not a Buddhist per se but actually am a simple EXPERIENCEalist – meaning I am talking to you and with you from my own experience, or from meditation practice points and insights which came to me by trial and error, many many trials and errors to be precise.
Generally speaking in Tibetan Mahayana, Vajrayana Buddhist practice we have two kinds of meditation and mind training: calm abiding and deep insight.
Meditation i will be talking about is the second kind – deep insight and in this specific case deep insight or training of the mind in power of active processing in order to heal ourselves and though that all living beings. So why is Medicine Buddha – Supreme Healer on our schedule during next there days sessions?
First let’s remind ourselves of the full name of our immune system as it is defined in the books of medicine. Our immune system full name, first middle and last is PSYCHO-NEURO—ENDOCTRINO- IMMUNE system.
So we are talking our mind influencing our neuro system which then controls producing of internal secretions that are transported around the body by the bloodstream.
So thats why Medicine Buddha – Supreme Healer is very much needed now? Trough training of our mind to become inseparable from Medicine Buddha mind we are wearing the armor of self healing and trough that discipline healing the global scene for all living beings, no exception.
So lend me your ears for a short manifesto on why this joint experience can be very constructive.
In my observation we common, regular tax paying people now days feel major built-in acceleration of time itself… and better than dismissing it as our own psychological perception of our society on the verge of something, and after examining it to best of my abilities, i trust that this way, way much faster time we are living in now should be understood as new and never stoping manifestations of laws of biochemistry, physics, quantum physics, divine light and karma… playing out in the wheel of time!
Kalachakra in Tibetan, and as you who saw my documentary film know there is a meditation practice of Kalachakra, like we have here Sange Menla.
Of this “reality of the matter” or our experiencing where we live some calendars like Mayan, Indian and Tibetan have a built in countdown, based on equations and planets movement patterns, sacred and secret lineage realizations and so on … but this complex and different subject of time cycles and other periods of time management maybe some other time, or in some other lifetime 🙂
… here and now i trust our collective intuition is right and time is really speeding up and bringing need for major reformating!
The trajectory is clear into new epoch of human living intelligence, and not living “mahahuman kind” of intelligence taking us to singularity experience.
The singularity as you know is the idea that artificial intelligence will eventually surpass human intelligence so much and fundamentally changing human existence. Soon it’s clear we will be meeting data base so huge the algorythm correcting itself to maha-mega-intelligent non material environment available to us 24/7. First available and then unavodable.
We will be reformating human being into maha data being human in our physical bodies.
Eventually nanotechnology will enable these chips to culminate in our individual brains directly expanding with layers of virtual neurons in the cloud and becoming one, knowing languages or playing instruments by decision to opt for it in the settings.
In this way we will merge with AI and therefore ethics in it this domain is absolutely neccesary.

These are the most exciting years in all of our history and we cant miss this boat because of old selfish low resolution profit ethics! And only lower chakras functioning. We are going to be able to form simulations which replicate a liberated and enlightened person we want to be, not some sick porn and wars game nut.
By us storing and re-organizing all information with ethics roots and ethics ground AI will advance even more rapidly to its own enlightenment … also expects ‘highly realistic’ non-biological recreations of people, and forever living bodies.
So we humans incarnations (so fortunate to be incarnated like human beings, never forget that) are part of this mega maha process with no return to the “good old” flip phones 🙂 and all rest already known to us… we are gliding into something very very different – a brand new era – and therefore we must get going at opening up and training our minds in the mighty methods and knowhow, and be disciplined in training our mind as much as possible in doing self healing and building our 3 bodies (Dharmakaya, Sambogakaya and Nirmanakaya) maintenance options, and frankly incredible improvement, because the culmination of this amazing process and unseen changes into new era is within a short historical time, as we can feel and see it already.
Somebody might say o don’t be “conspiratorial” its gonna be the same like year 2000. came and went or with Mayan 2012. that came and went sans major trouble. Or to be more precise that is how it appears in human forms relating to events in the wheel of time.
To those who are smart like that offer this:
even if the mentioned calendars are “off” like Mayans were “off” regarding their 2012. calculus, or Tibetans might be a bit off with their year 2525. “prediction”, or more precise calculation of time periods – that amount of linear time even if it is few hundred years off – that is nothing if we know how long our mother Earth exists, you understand. Mama Earth is here for 4.5 billion years and ongoing in cycles where 100 or any number of human years are like a grains of sand on the river Ganga; and in this forever-lasting process few hundred years of miscalculation do not make much difference.
So we are all here at the end game of today 2024 years ano domini of developemantal processes on this very very old much much older
planet and on the edge of era change. From currently ruling Darvin’s

theory and practice of survival of the fittest in the struggle for life we are on the gates into mahahuman human liberation and enlightenment.
You might not like it but Darvin’s theory and practice of survival of the fittest is totally overwhelming foundational belief and practice of how our current era operates. I win you loose, sorry, those are the rules of the game on Earth. We don’t have time for elaboration now but in the nutshell a current padigma allowing people to willy-nilly accept how millions of people are hungry while we throw so much food away, and like o I am sorry, and we feel bed and will do our best to help and so on but that does not change the ruling paradigma.
So for how long will it last, OBVIOUSLY not way to long anymore since we are witnessing it and therefore, to be responsible in our tectonik times we should approach our mind training with calm sense of urgency and responsibility at the gates of new us.
… not to mention the chip implantation or for us who are open to it a marriage of a mega maha all info chip with our physical or gross bodies as called in trikaya – 3 bodies – understanding of what’s going on.
Sisters and brothers we are talking from 100 hrtz which is our current communication frequency to 100 mega and then gihahrtz… this will make this fast time of ours now feel like stone age, in 5 years, or a decade!
Can you even imagine, no we cant really imagine honestly… and it will go like that always: new degrees of freedom and enpowerment we should harmonize with and ride our incarnations on what is inescapable.
Some of you might say stop the earth I am getting off this madhouse … but that is not the option because this is how it is when we move to next dimension in socializing which is larger than current human understanding, and attitude and era.
So therefore we gotta train our mind to 1 calm abide and rest our mind to be resliliant in challenges of life in material plane known as sansara.
But also we should develop deep insight into already existing mind training tools to cormilate and be managers and pilots of our 3 bodies. Therefore Medicine Buddha – Sange Menla – Great Healer
practice which is harmonizing and stablizing harmonious interplay of

our 3 bodies is of cardinal importance. We gonna be uNrecognizable to ourselves in the new transcendental and transformative environment we gonna live in no time, so to speak.
Time for metanoia… so let me offer you a bit of historical and lineage context on Medicine Buddha practice itself.
Myth story goes all Sange Menla healing wisdom self appeared out from the Akasha to Tibetan Yarlang Valley near Lhasa.
However and more closer to so called “reality” stand the factual knowledge that a 8th century great Fifth Dalai Lama organized a world wide congress of healers. They came from Greece, Persia, India and China and while in Tibet offering their in depth presentations on medical knowledge for entire year. And then it was all examined and articulated in comprehensive collection of Sange Menla sutras and tantras and paintings … out of all that Medicine Buddha deep insight on healing and self healing practices have been developed … with proven wisdom and skills and knowhow provided by masters from aincient times! And transferred to us by unbroken lineage.
During this convention the guardian and chef has so eloquently presented Halcyon direction and goals; and one of them, if not the most important of them is to make sure next generations, our kids and grandkids gets all wisdom Halcyon lineages got; as we got it from our own lineage masters and elders, … so they – our offsprings continue from with wisdom from beginingless time that we are holding on now!
So this presentation of Medicine Buddha once all is said and done can be summarized by AI meets AI
Ancient Intelligence meets Artificial Intelligence 🙂 … because back to Medicine Buddha, we should present and leave for future generations a Medicine Buddha as an interactive game of healing and self healing and that is my mission.
Back to Medicine Buddha present here at our convention in this majestic and magic Blue Star Temple more than 100 years old and with all that accumulated energy with us, and with pure intention we gonna now share the following recitation and visualization; with motivation of doing it for all living beings.
This is a daily practice and more we do it as a daily practice more we will be able to access and live in the realm of Supreme Healer, which is ultimately out liberated and enlightened self.

 

 

Around our Ol’ Pueblo – Tucson, Arizona the light of surrounding Sonora desert is brilliant and amazing! That is why so many films, commercials and big time photography are made here in this area. Also me don’t know is it Mescalito – nano peyote in the air or what, I don’t know, but when here I am always inspired to use light and shadows in finding, in composing images that are nadreal or surreal just as is, y sans any editing… only due to dimensions fusion and openings created in the dance of light and matter never seen before this or that way.
I am happy with BEAR CANYON TARANTULA and BEAR CANYON NULTIDIMENSIONAL BLOOM photos made yesterday in Bear Canyon area. Both are good examples of dance of light and shadows.
BEAR CANYON NULTIDIMENSIONAL BLOOM fully irons one meter high flowering cactus tall body, and con shadows inspires (me) to look free and fresh into new composition opening up wide. And with the immanent and transcendent presence of the Tathagatagarbha within all.

Mudrog Vepra upoznao sam 2006. godine tokom druge posete Dalai Lame Tibeta u Tuksonu, Arizona, SAD. Došao je iz Nju Meksika da prinese darove Avalokitešvari u ime Siuks i Čiroki Ljudi odande sa rezervata oko mesta San Acacia; i kao deo grupe lidera iz još desetak plenema Arizone, Kolorada, Kalifornije i Nju Meksika koji su poštovaoci lika i dela Njegove Svetosti XIV Dalai Lame Tibeta, već dugi niz godina.
O bliskosti Ljudi i Tibetanaca ima dosta toga napisanog i uradjenog. Samo da pomenem još iz 1960tih kada je u vreme trogodišnje totalne suše u goste došao veliki Karmapa Rinpoče XVI, i nevidjeni pljusak je pao te prve noći boravka Tibetanca Karmape kod Ljudi Arizone. Negde na pola puta izmedju Tuksona i Yume Karmapa Rinpoče se manifestovao kao neki instant Dodole Darma Kralj i spasao Ljude te velike muke! Tada je Karmapa XVI rekao da su Tibetanci i Ljudi ista plemena.
Kao i tokom prve posete Dalai Lame XIV u Tuksonu, Arizona 1993. i tokom te druge pomenute posete Tibetanskog duhovnog vodje 2006. bio sam jedno odredjeno smetalo u pripremi samog gostovanja, te sam tako dobio i tu priliku da se fundamentalno zbližim i sa Mudrim Veprom.
Tada, što je sačuvano i na četvorodnevnom neprocenjivom učenju izdatom na 4 dvd-a od strane Arizona Friends of Tibet-a, imao sam i vrlo neočekivanu i po meni i nezasluženu čast da sedim u delu bine (tako da kažem) koji je bio namenjen samo za Lame, monahinje i monahe. S desne strane od Dalai Lame XIV u centru.
Kada sam saznao za to svoje mesto bilo mi je bezbeze da sedim medju Lamama onako samo u nekom “civilu”; a opet mi nije bilo ok ni da se ogrnem monaškim tamno crvenim ogrtačem za tu priliku. Nisam monah u tom smislu no kao i mnogi i ja sam “urbani monah” kako smo to moj Srba i ja definisali odavno. Razmišljajući kako da se obučem sutra da bih ukazao poštovanje ovom retkom i vrlo specijalnom okasionu fina ideja mi se javila: orgnuću se lepo svojim multi-kolornim tkanim Navaho ćebetom kojeg mi je kći poklonila pre deset godina bar, i time ponuditi ovom skupu i prisutnima imanentno prisustvo Domaćina svih nas = originalnih plemena.
Ljudima ovoga što se u ovoj fazi ciklusa zove SAD.
Da se na bini vide njihove pigmentne boje i fino tkanje kao simbol gde smo.
Ovo nije prošlo neprimećeno ne samo jer sam tako u bojama odudarao od svih cenjenih Lama u tamno crvenom. Budući tako nerafiniran kao što jesam moram priznati i da mi je bilo drago gde sedim zbog jednog koji se malo preterano samo-predstavlja okolo po svetu kao Lama, ali je za ovu priliku eto sedeo u sedmom redu recimo.
Plemenski vodji su mi izneli svoju veliku zahvalnost odmah, a za vreme prvog i svečanog ručka u Tuksonu, Arizona 2006. sedeo sam izmedju Lame Dorjea i Mudrog Vepra. Ti si dakle Pumba, izneo sam svoj zaključak nakon upoznavanja s poštovanjem i prijatnom lakoćom i veselošću koja vlada gde god se Dalai Lama XIV pojavi i podigne vajb i budnost svima u svakom smislu. Glasni smeh Mudrog Vepra i Lama Dorjea toliko je zainteresovao sve koji su sedeli za dugim svečanim stolom te su “tell us, tell us” svi želeli da saznaju šta je bilo, ko je šta rekao tako smešno. I tada i tako je Mudri Vepar jedan od dvadesetak lidera Domaćih plemena – Ljudi – postao obožavan i poznat lik, izdvojio se od ostalih. Tu kreaciju njegovog Pumba avatara Mudri Vepar mi nikada nije zaboravio u najboljem smislu tih reči. Ova njegova epizoda u Tuksonu postala je i deo njihove plemenske priče od tada. A na kraju izuzetnog učenja Dalai Lame XIV koje nas je zbratimilo i pre povratka u Nju Meksiko Mudri Vepar me je pozvao da mu, da im, dodjem u posetu kad god hoću, i ostanem koliko god želim.
Svemu ovome ima 14 godina tokom kojih sam vozeći havjevom 25 kroz Nju Meksiko, ka Istočnoj obali ili nazad West, posetio Mudrog Vepra tri puta, a evo i sada ovih dana ove jeseni 2020 po četvrti put.
Dočekao me sa još pet Ljudi plemena već u prostoru snage i slobode, sa kalumetom – dugom lulom – u rukama. Pre ulaska u taj mesquite bršljanom obeleženi deo veličine fudbalskog igrališta svi elektronsku uredjaji ostavljaju se na stolu, kao i sve ostalo tipa torba, novčanik, sat…
U prostoru snage i slobode samo smo Ljudi, sve ostale odrednice ostavili za sobom – parasamugate!
Jedno kameno ognjište namenjeno je za susrete i veselja poput ovoga a drugo samo za vidarski ritual njihove saune u prostoru snage i slobode kada se 4 puta ulazi u saunu u ritualu kojeg vredi opisati jednog dana.
Nakon što smo popušili kalumet lulu duvana kojeg Mudri Vepar sam uzgaja podario mi je i flašu izvorske vode sa dugmetom suvog pejotla koje se u vodi rastakao tokom nedavnog punog Meseca, tri dana. Aqua de Peyo. Dok je primopredaja ovog poklona ravnog nekom odlikovanju u svetu kojeg smo ostavili za sobom trajala ograsio se i orao iz visina iznad nas. Domaćini su razmenili brze duboke poglede i radost a ja blago otvorio dlanove na gore da nemam ništa sa tim, što je izazvalo mog Pumbu da emituje još ljubavi prema meni takvom. Da, da to je za tebe brate moj insistirao je, ne budi skroman bez razloga, ovde nisi u… ovde smo svi Ljudi.
Ovaj orao je za nas brate Pubma odgovorio sam na rubu suza radosnica, zagrizao usnu. Eto priznajem.
Kao odgovor na ovaj izuzetan dar i ponovni susret darivao sam mu sve tri moje knjige na Engleskom i najavio i četvrtu knjigu, odnosno poslednju u trilogiji MOUNTING A TIGER koja valjda izlazi do kraja godine. Dok sam poklanjao i govorio svoje Mudri Vapar je svakom od knjiga dodirnuo teme sa pozdravom ljubavi – higeyuaska – a onda smo zaćutali, jako. Moji Čiroki jataci oko San Acacia su kao i svi Domaćni ovog polukontinenta veliki ćutolozi. Kada sam tokom prve posete i upitao Mudrog Vepra zašto Ljudi toliko ćute odgovorio mi je da to čine da bi dobro slušali, da bi dobro čuli.
Pametnom dovoljno.
Tako smo prekjuče jedno dva tri minuta u jakoj tišini slušali silu ljubavi i medjusobno bezuslovno poštovanje nas Ljudi… a onda sam silinu prekinuo svojim dubokim poklonom i e pa vreme je da se krene vibrom… najavljujući svoj pokret i nastavak vožnje dalje put Zapadne obale SAD.
Aaa da, da, vreme je za obed radosno je uzviknula Pilar, supruga Mudrog Vepra koja nas je sve vreme majčinski gledala i blagosiljala izvan prostora za susrete i zauzeta u prostoru iza saune sa još dvadesetak žena, omladine i dece.
I nastade radosna graja.
Da dešifrujem: kod mojih jataka proces je ne da na velika zvona ponude obed odmah po dolasku gosta nego tek jednom kada je jasno da nisam došao po obed i ne treba mi hrana, tada je vreme da mi promene plan molbom da budem velikodušan prema njima te ostanem. Da im učinim čast da ostanem. To gostu kod Ljudi daje dodatnu ulogu i snagu, ne mogu sad dalje da to… jer jasno je valjda i ovako.
Pilar i ekipa iza saune već su imali spremnu salatu od divljeg zelenila, oraha i kako se već zovu divlje Black Huckleberry… i pazi sad: osso buco od jelena!!
Opet je dečak koje je gutao Karla Maja bio na ivici suza radosnica od tog mirisa, ovih Ljudi i prisustva duha velikog poglavice Vinetua iz mog detinjstva.
Zaseli smo na prostrtu ćebad, s jedne strane muški s druge ženski. Kod mojih Ljudi i jataka valja da se pazi i poštuje žensko iznad svega. Prvo zaprosi pa onda gledaj, malte ne.
Mudri Vepar me je zamolio da blagosiljam jelo, i kako to bila u ovakvim prilikama iz topa sam im ne izrecitovao no polako zapevao Tibetanski blagoslov svima koji su u bilo kom smislu imali veze sa hranom koju sada uzimamo, od sadjenja semena pa do ovih usta, te i zahvalnost na samom činu održavanje hrama zvanog telo kroz blagoslovenu hranu podarenu od majke Zemlje i toliko bića i uslova koji su radili na ovoj hrani do ove trpeze i usta.
Meni direktno preko puta, sa ženske strane nije sedeo niko. U taj neki polu-prazan prostor i samo što smo počeli da obedujemo, umuvala se tinejdžerka koja je donela vruće kukuruzne tortilje, i zbog njih malo zakasnila. Nastavili smo sa obedom u tišini kad se smestila.
I vidim mala me gleda. Izgleda onako kao recimo Naomi Kembel kad je bila 19, crna duga kosa prava i lice slatko k’o med. U jarko zelenoj haljini više je gledaja no jela… dok joj nisam onako po Singidunumski polu-namignuo i malo podigao svoje man se vraga mala šta tu sad bezveze čelo. Svi a načito moj Pumba primetili su moju rekciju nekog strica recimo… i odćutali je s poštovanjem i mirnim zadovoljstvom.
Idem ja po još nakon malo reče mala i odleprša… a mi nastavismo da obredujemo u porodičnoj tišini i ljubavi.
Nekoliko minuta kasnije druga jedna jatakinja donela je još vrućih malih tortilja od kukuruza. Ova devojka oko dvadeset pet bila je živa vatra u očima i kovrdžavoj kosi i sa svim svojim djerdanima.
Evo tople su vrlo molim pazite svi vrlo, rekla mi je i veselo sela u taj prostor preko puta mene.
Uzeo sam jednu vrelu odmah dok je stajala i još malo duvao u nju; ali je valjalo da tako instant uzimanjem nagradim njen trud. Nastavili smo obed u tišini sve dok je ona opet nije prekinula: jel to lapis? pitanjem o mojoj mali – brojanici – oko vrata koju sam za ovu priliku izvadio i ostavio da budu preko majce a ne ispod majce.
Ne ovo je trkiz, odgovorio sam a svi se zgladali jer zaista imam brojanicu od lapisa.
Ma da, šalim se, naravno da je lapis, nastavio sam, i vrlo mi je draga jer se lapis teško buši, krhak je te su male – brojanice – od lapisa retke; a da ne pominjem da sam ovu lapis malu kupio tokom Dalai Laminog učenja u Tuksonu, Arizona kada smo se mi i upoznali nastavio sam gledajući te u nju te u mog dragog brata Pumbu, čistim očima bez direktnog interesa sprema malo starijoj sada ali ipak vrlo mladoj sestri i izuzetnoj prilici za nekog drugog. Mudri Vapar je kapirao moju totalno neutralnu ljubav i poštovanje prema osobi preko puta, i neskriveno je voleo što sam tu kod njih opet.
U tom momentu ukapiram da me verovatno testira… i u istom trenu spoznajem da sam nenamerno položio ispit kojemu se nisam ni nadao. Jedva sam izdržao da ne izreknem nešto u tom smislu i ajde bre aloo, ali me je Pumba preduhitrio sa eto to je moj SerbianoTibetano Jinpa glasnim zaključkom i punim zagrljajem. Kako sam osetio spuštenu ruku Mudrog Vepra na svojim ramenima tako sam se i dodatno opustio. Koje uzemljenje!
Potom i tačno tamo gde mi se skroz zapalio mišić od višednevne vožnje topli dlan Mudrog Vepra je pokretao ustajalu energiju… prisutni bol nestao je kao dim i osetio sam duboku opuštenost ispod plećki u tri navrata, tri nivoa.
Hombreee, companjerooo, oginalii glasno sam ovim afirmacijama dozvoljavao da mi Pumba vrati oba ramena i obe plećke u pun opticaj bez imalo bola i tenzije.
Any time oginalii, imaš jako i celo telo samo si se dosta naradio ovih dana. Ali eto gotovo je sad sve klizi opet.
Namashkar.
Ćutali smo još malo nakon ovog obreda obeda, a potom sam se dlavovima udario po kolenima te dlanove skupio u predelu lotosa srca… onda glavu spustio na ćebe, na Zemlju Majku i malo ostao tako u molitvi da sva bića bez izuzetka osete ovako nešto, ovakvu prisutnost i jedinstvo kad tad; pa krenuo da ustajem. Mudri Vepar mi je kao pomogao da se ustanem dajući time jasnu poruku svima ne da meni treba neka pomoć no da sam neki starina u smislu mudrosti i vredan poštovanja i brige tako da kažem.
Uuu bre Pumba La dont do that to me, I am just a wanderer rekao sam i svi smo opet prasnuli u smeh i graju. U toj opštoj sreći uzeo mi je levicu i na mali prst brzo stavio presten od kosti jelena, stegao mi ruku i potom je podigao do svog srca.
Sila je tvoja brate.

With strong regret and intention to restrain in the future I admit this emotional outburst posted on July 4th right during my re-entry into Estads Unidos under very messy y peligroso conditions.
Yes I was all in roaring loud voice over a NYC cop or two on 4th of July, but this is how it was, full context here:
After very intense and powerful month+ in Serbia and all virus traveling tension I crossed trough welcome to USA control and questioning at JFK border security in a fine and smooth way. Takes more time nowadays in COVID19 and world wide teroristas and refugees tense messy fabricated times but I was among first in line out off the Air Serbia Eurobus 313. And I liked very nice clarity check by a smart immigration officer, asking me logical questions and also measuring level of my calm abiding in providing answers with much skill. He was good cop interrogation 101 asking me loose like walking in a park with a neighbor. And all ending with “thanks boss” from him with a slide of my passport as a wish everybody’s entrance into this place is that simple.
Outside of “international area of JFK” American dream was still on. Yes, not so many people like before due to the virus situation, but still: half a dozen welcoming signs, few bouquet of flowers and some cheers of joy for Olga, Olga here, here Olgaaa!
At Welcome Center a nice mannered Mahalia J like lady affirmed my expectation of public transportation being reduced: no busses to Manhattan on Independence Day; and we agreed on how the best, how the only way was JFK Airtrain to Jamaica in Queens and from there E train to Midtown West Penn Railroad station… from where I have 7:15 PM train to Upstate NY, to Rhineclif.
And it was 5:43.

During my ride from Jamaica in Queens to Penn on Manhattan I was honestly not even noticing where I actually landed. All was good to me because I was glad my maiden flight with Air Serbia from Tesla Airport in Belgrade to JFK NYC was really fine. I saw two Serbian movies: “Boomerang” a black comedy with all star cast of Serbian very best. That power cast made it so good I laughed out loud at Milena Dravic on coke; while sitting next to a falling in love Spanish lady material, she returning from 3 months in Serbia all happy and shining trough her golden frame John Lennon like specs.
I also saw “Goat’s Ears” a female Serbian film maker I met few years ago while this film was in production; directing one Serbian major and mature star – Meryl Streep caliber – in a comedy drama of her character the idealist young student from the 1960 now facing life hardships of old age during “its liberal democracy folks” scary share of post Yugoslavia banana republics absurd life in make belief country.
Rewinding, being happy of my fine flight in underground E train from Queens to Penn I was not aware how today on Independence Day July 4th two were killed and 10 injured by gunfire as violent summer continues in NYC.
Like that I got out of E train at 34th and 8th Avenue.
Living in my beautiful day and not aware of Independence day chaos around me I was just focused on making my train from Penn to historic Rhineclif, Upstate NY at 7:15 PM… and it was 6:35.
As many know NYC Penn Station goes from 30th to 34th Streets between Seventh and Eighth Avenues. There are a few above-ground entrances to the station: on Seventh Avenue at 32nd Street; on 34th Street between Seventh and Eighth Avenues; and on Eighth Avenue and 33rd Street.
I got up and out onto the hot asphalt of NYC at that 34th and 8th Avenue hole. So from that – above E train station bellow – vintage point, humongous Penn Station itself was not visible. Specially because a huge crowd on the street and on the avenda Ocho, moving, loud talking, and maneuvering all over… was blocking all… an no cars at all. And no happy sounds and articulated something but discombobulated real world with tense vibe mess just noticed… and decoded right there and then I am not going to live that movie at all.

Stay focus on not being dragged into anything and getting on 7:15 train out of here was my thing.

Both sides of both 34th street and 8th Avenue were used by people for this uneasy socializing, and lounging out, sitting on their own chairs and around camping time tables with big screens on them, and all like almost home on the street, but all made with tense attitude. Four African American men were unpacking a big bbq box with unruly fun while two ladies with two styro plates each full of long sausages were rushing their man to “unpack that thing” and “don’t worry I told you its electric, don’t need no fire, just get that thing out of the box honey”. Another member of that body of protesters living outside for the holiday and protest was laying down low and red eyed happy this Independence Day; very satisfied with his lady sitting in the back of his brand new blue lounger and working on his dreads in play music act. 

I was in all that action all over on one side of 8th Ave where I came out, and on the other side police force of all kinds from the uniformas, and just golden shining badges around their necks, to authoritative civilians moving around in small groups and controlling what can be controlled. And the very square where 34th street and 8th Avenue join was empty… mass movement of all kinds on all 4 sides of this empty square was loud. Then two police little jeeps drove into that empty space from avenida Ocho side.

I figured in this loud mess the best is to ask them where is my Penn Station from here, whats the best way to get to it. By the time I emerged out from protesters side crowd into empty 8th@34th square with my backpack and office tote those two police vehicles were already entering slowly into the crowded 34th street, at super slow speed, clearing the space so cars can go trough a full of resolve not so festive y determined protesters just minding their life on the street biz protest right to do.

Still in my “I gotta 7;15 train to make” mode I realize the police vehicles are gone now for me as source of direction, can’t stop them now to ask, they are gone into the crowd. Therefore I am choosing one of young officers who was securing this two little police jeeps maneuver on foot. He was looking at me like I feel from Mars when I asked him: Excuse me whats the best way to Penn Station from here, I have less that half an hour to make it.

– There – cop responded not believing my question, and I and I with a backpack on my back and office tote in my hand, and all in black, with black hat too, (since my mother passed away 43 days ago).

– Where – I howl on our part of that loud hot stage of that empty square where 34th and 8th meet.

– There – cop goes again showing me towards Madison Square Garden and ready to jump on me if needed.

– Where!?!? – I tilt since in my limited knowledge on NYC I was into my know that Madison Square Garden and Penn Station are not related, in orientation at all. From here, if I am close to Penn Station, Madison Square Garden should be on the right and to the back of me, not on the left and in front of me.

– There. – he was not giving me a drop of water in the desert of this Independence Day. 

– Do you know any other word than “there”? And can you point a bit more accurate where is that there of yours. – I had to be loud like on a horse race track, and so generated some interest from the crowd. 

It was hot and my t-shirt was all soaking wet, goal voda in Serbian.

– I told you, there. – cop was not making effort at all.

– Let me tell you something officer, if this is your New York City hospitality… how can you, what? its Uranus in retrograde or you just don’t care. – I was roaring and he just measuring me like don’t euck with me man… 

On that attitude of his I got furious, and knowing I better use that energy elsewhere, like hot knife furioso trough butter went trough revoltive crowd, palpable on the nasty edge and inflammable bunch after bunch on my way, just clearing them all out “sorry bro I am busy, gotta make my train”… and in that way clear cut found entrance into Penn station; after I asked two white stocky y all inked girls in love who had their Independence Day cocktail on their camping dinning set in the middle of the sidewalk on 34th street off avadina Ocho.

Inside the Penn station’s big hallway was same mess like outside. Almost all space was well barricaded and bunch of crowd control mobile fences installed all over the huge Penn stations hallway. There was 12 minutes left till departure but one of only 3 tellers, with some 30 windows con nobody there, was showing me I gotta go trough this huge layout of crowd control barriers and barricades and all around, and around in almost a mile long labyrinth with nobody in it; just to reach him there all alone and not busy with other two just doing nothing. 

I opted to forget his instruction and go down head first, and deeply bowing more down pass under one of the belt dividers to cut trough this extra security maze space. That one of only 3 tellers hated me doing it but away and behind thick glass he was helpless in stoping me do it. By third obstacle like that me going head first and deeply bowing my backpack’s very top cached a tip of the dividing belt and almost knocked two metal poles down, but did not. 

And I came to his darn teller with o noting happened joy smile for angry him just sitting there.

– Seems like you are having a good time here young man, – he said angrily – you know you can get arrested for that shit.

– O ye arrested from running out of this place you are so happy living in. Do you see how all this does not make any sense. 

– What are you talking about? Where do you want to go?

– Do you feel safe? Maa, o please one to Rhineclif. – I was disgusted.

– One to Rhineclif-Kingston, and no cash, only card. – he was official in huck you tone. 

– O, I see, ok, that is interesting, you don’t take cash. – I was matter a factual.

– No I don’t. – he was privatizing our event.

– So no card no train?

– That’s correct.

– Independence Day nightmare in virus terror world, not ever recognizing slavery. Do you hear yourself?

– What are you talking about young man?  

– Nothing. Me young man!?! I am way older than you for crying out load. You see us! – I was overpowered with mercy love for this poor man in his old and scary young age. Going beneath the waves of frustration with ignorance and suffering, and was now swimming in the stillness of my inner peace compassion seeing horror. And I experienced all of life with stillness in motion in this big karmic order mess. 

I will make it to my train despite all this shame of human behavior on Independencia Day.

A close relationship with this human mess on Earth helps me see all life, and my life line specially in a different way. Renunciation is a no-brainer. 

And actually I enjoy having my assumptions challenged. Thats why I like spending so much time with uncomfortable life and with who is willing to contradict me. Big Hesse was full on on that. And all same with small me.

Most important I realize again is affection. Compassion, not just to friend, colleague, or romantic partner but to pursue a creative ways of moving and loving most ignorant or most cold blood hired, equally as my mother. 

Once with a ticket and 5 minutes to spare I walked all around all barricaded Penn station huge hallway and finally found Kreemy Crispy Donuts or something like that open, and wi-fi active so I can contact Oonaja and tell her I will be on that 7:15 train.

– When is the train arriving here? – my dear friend in Upstate NY near Woodstock asked.

– Are you kidding me, we are lucky I have a ticket in my hand, I am calling you from Independence Day nut house and thats all I know.

I left Tucson, Arizona on Sunday morning, a day after my two new books signing and promo event at University of Arizona Campus, at the Little Chapel of All Nations, honoring the life of my two new books editor late Ken Bacher.

It would not be honest if I did not admit how full of myself I was while driving trough Marana, near Picacho Peak, and around Gila Bend, and how grateful I was that my Shambala amigo Ken’s and my work on first two parts of MOUNTING A TIGER trilogy came to a very fine fruition. I was happy how my dear Ken is glad from the sky above, and yes I was proud too. Looking at the endless blue sky, and hundreds of years old saguaro cactuses growing by the side of highway 8 West, I felt and enjoyed all I knew well is not kosher to let mind relish in … but I did it anyway. I deserved little mind amusement park attractions after hard work and Ken’s passing too. However I was not only sweet bathing in what happened at my two new books promo and lovely dinner after. I was even more so letting my ego amuse my awareness with what was ahead of me in golden state of California. The script of driving trough San Diego and going into the great Pacific on the beach at Cardiff-by-the-Sea, near Encinitas, was running not in HD, and not in IMAX, but in my ego mind total 4K (4096 x 2160) resolution. Enjoying that projection I saw clearly how I will take a photo of a sunset by mi Pacifico grande and text it to my latest infatuation, and how will I put one “me by the Ocean” selfie on Facebook also, maybe even with both of my new books in my hand.

Soon enough, and after blissful lotus eating 230 miles I arrived in Yuma, Arizona. It was just a bit after 12 noon when I stopped at the last pump exit on highway 8 West in Arizona. I always do that so I can get a tank full of gas that is $1 less per gallon in Arizona than in California. As Texans would say I “poured up” the high unleaded to the top of my Mila van’s tank, and then opened the hood to cool the Mila engine a bit more after it was running for longer that three hours perfectly, during entire hot road Sunday morning. Checked the fluids: motor oil was at 3/4, break fluid on full, transmission fluid as well and coolant/antifreeze extra was on 1/2. All perfecto! so I was proud of how good I take care of my Mila van engine also.

After having a cup of very special tea I carry with me at that gas station; and with Mila engine all cooled down I continued driving into border territory between Arizona and California. Already out of Arizona and past “Welcome to California” sign but before official Cali border check point I saw a little mirage over the right side of my Mila van’s hood. Yes it is a hot day and a little mirage on the hot early afternoon freeway is not a mirage here, its just hot day byproduct I was thinking… but the mirage continued. Wait! is that mirage actually a little smoke coming from under my hood? Ooo no man, by now – no mirage – there was really even more smoke coming from under my hood. I can’t believe it!!

When mirage no mirage happened I was driving in the far left of three highway lanes, with that wide highway division gravel area to my left. So I slowed down and pulled over to my left and off the freeway. The moment I stopped and walked out to open the hood overwhelming amount of smoke covered entire front part of my Mila van, and a bit of me too!

“ Don’t open the hood, it will explode! Call for help!” yelled a woman from one car in the middle lane of the freeway as all three lanes of vehicles slowed down a great deal to see what is going on with all that smoke. Of course, having my rug pulled from underneath me, I did not listen but lifted the hood at once to the even bigger cloud of coolant/antifreeze haze coming out from under the hood.

At least it is not smoke I was gladly retreating more back from Mila van and letting all that coolant/antifreeze cloud go up and away.

“ I can’t believe this,” I was talking out loud while the traffic on highway 8 West went back to normal speed, and leaving me alone off the road on the border between Arizona and California. Once it all cleared out I just put the hood down, did not close it and tried to start the engine. Nothing. I realized it is time to apply some calm abiding since my new books event ego with its “I will be at Cardiff-by-the-Sea in few hours” plan was revolting and ready set go to into overheat even more than the radiator that obviously had a crypto little hole in upper left corner. It was visible and clear how all that hyper evaporation was coming out from right there. I sat on the gravel, with my back to the traffic I was part of so happily till five minutes ago, and did a little meditation on good man Buddha’s Noble Truth of impermanence. Until now, I have been holding on to the idea of my immediate future California and Pacifico grande 4K resolution daydream, creating a false sense of joy for myself on artificial ground. By doing so, I have been missing the very flavor of real joy, of being a Buddha in the moment, since Buddha I exist only when I am fully aware of moving preset moments and their beauty, and not being somewhere where I and I is not. This helped only a bit since my leone ego, my double leo nature was trying to roar while my awareness was trying to be constructive with this unpredicted shift in mi fortuna.

Practice. Practice. Practice. Never give up. And you will be free Chamtrul Rinpoche once said, and I was doing it, but still was not free from pain of mi California dream evaporating in front of my Mila van’s lifted hood.

Ten more minutes like that and I was able to laugh at my romantic self taking a romantic sunset picture at “Cardiff-by-the-Sea in few hours”. I sat with that for another ten minutes cultivating gratefulness that it was not the engine fire but just a little crypto hole near the radiator’s top releasing mucho, mucho haze.

Next exit ahead of me was in California and some two miles away. Last exit in the back of me was same distance, and in Arizona. I turned the key again and the engine started. Between unknown exit upfront in Cali and known gas station exit back in Yuma I opted to go back. But, in order to go back I had to reach that first exit in Cali, and once there turn around. So I joined in the traffic again, this time all the way in the far right lane, going only thirty some miles an hours with hazard lights on and flashing. However, not more than two minutes or one mile max, and half way to that first Cali exit the no mirage fuming started again and heat gauge went all the way up and above that overheat top line. I pulled to the right side off the freeway and in the back of two US army kids whose buffed up high tires truck also overheated. From them I learned they were waiting for a tow truck, so I said I will wait with them to get towed first, and at that time will make arrangement for a tow truck to come back and get me after they deliver their truck to the near by army base, where they will fix it themselves. We kept waiting for about half an hour or more, their tow truck was not coming, they did not know any mechanics in Yuma for me and hoped I did not bust my engine as they said they probably did with theirs. After some more big small talk how we just don’t know whats gonna happen next in our lives, I went back to Mila van that started again! With heat gauge on half as it is supposed to be. Knowing it might overheat in matter of minutes again, and not wanting to go any further from Yuma I drove Mila van across three lines of highway 8 West, and across the wide loose gravel divider area, and on to highway 8 South, all the way across to far right side, and in back to Yuma direction. Less than half mile later heat gauge went over the top again so I stopped and turned the engine off. It took us five times starting and driving up to quarter mile at the time to finally get to my last Yuma exit, and back to gas station where I was so proud of Mila van being cared for so well, some 2-3 hours ago. The Sun was staring to descend and I was not even close to Cardiff-by-the-Sea … but further. My moods were changing so quickly today that it took some extra time to get mi bearings. So I just stayed next to mi tired Mila van for a bit to give my senses an adequate chance to drink in my new old surroundings of last ARCO in Arizona, picking up vibes from left and right. This uncertainty here was better than earlier uncertainty one hour ago in the border area. Jon Kabat Zinn’s “Wherever you go, there you are,” helped a bit too. I was here for the sunset and the night.

Inside ARCO a kid working at the counter told me he does not know of any mechanics and how most likely none of them are working tomorrow anyway because it is Veteran’s Day. Later I googled some mechanics to call mañana first thing in the morning and see if some of them work despite this holiday.

I spent a night at ARCO, first praying I did not bust the engine, then working on calm abiding how its OK even if I did. Everyone has experienced this kind of a flip of the projected future, and knows what it means to be disrupted, to be entombed between death of a great plan and rebirth of a challenging present and unknown future. We often label that state as misfortune. In those moments, we lose our grip on the old reality and yet have no sense what a new one might be like. There is no ground, no certainty, and no reference point, and there is no peace. This has always been the entry point in our lives for faith and calm abiding test. In this radical state of undesired change smacking my ego real good, I need profound reasoning. I need not just logic, but something beyond logic, something that speaks to I and I in a timeless, non-conceptual way. Milarepa the great name sake of my Mila van, my cave on wheels, referred to this kind of disruption as a “great marvel”, and was singing from his cave in Tibet: “The precious pot containing my riches becomes my teacher in the very moment it breaks.”

Around 6 in the morning on Veterans Day I was just hanging out with a cup of my very special tea, looking around with Mila van’s hood up, when a Native American man who, it was visible, went trough some rough times, approached me and asked can he help. I told him what happened, he observed the crypto leak spot and said how he and his wife had a similar problem while visiting Grand Canyon some time ago and how he pasted some epoxy putty on it, and how that was good enough to bring them back home to Yuma. Luck was that Home Depot always open huge store was near by, so after giving him five bucks for some gas he needed for his van parked at one of the ARCO pumps I took one mile ride to Home Depot. Engine that cooled all night long performed well from ARCO to Home Depot.

Oooh so many epoxy putty options in good old USA!

And after dual educating session between kid helper in the aisle 16B and myself I opted for J-B Weld Steel Stick. Outside the mega store I cleaned the little radiator hole area well, mixed the epoxy putty well and put it all over that area with a prayer it holds us to Escondido. That version of epoxy putty asked for 30 minutes to dry and solidify, so I texted to my precious Lama Drupon Samten Rinpoche at Drikung Kyobpa Choling, a Tibetan Meditation Center in Escondido sharing how I am not even close to making it there for our tea date at 10 in the morning on Veterans Day… but how if J-B Weld Steel Stick works well I might be there for lunch. Half an hour passed and I went back on to the freeway 8 West. Passed the “Welcome to California” sign again, and more or less at the same spot where I first time saw mirage-no mirage yesterday – it happened again: heat gauge went all the way up and above overheat line and coolant-antifreeze haze was present big time as well. At times like this, if we can gain freedom from the eternal grasping onto who “I am” and how things should be – our default mode – then we can get to the business of being alive. Until now, I have been holding on to the idea of J-B Weld Steel Stick working out, again creating a false sense of comfort and joy for myself on artificial ground.

For a while I observed a fine quiet sunrise on the empty holiday freeway, all just for me and my dear suffering Mila van. The cause of all suffering can be boiled down to grasping onto a fictional, contrived existence. So there at our own private sunrise I solidified to stay uncontrived… and then did the same thing like yesterday: drove across three lanes of the freeway 8 West, and across the dividing gravel area back on to 8 South. After five takes of overheating and open hood cooling downs we was back where we started this early morning, on last ARCO in Arizona, and right in time to call some earlier googled auto mechanics, and see are they working on Veterans Day. They were all open but one was on the other side of Yuma’s 4th Avenue that was already closed for Veteran’s Day parade, while the other on my side of Yuma’s for parade closed 4th avenue was so overbooked that he could see me “maybe Thursday”. However he suggested I call Yuma’s 3:10 mechanic shop and talk to Mr. TJ there. I first texted my update to Drupon Samten Rinpoche in Escondido to tell I am not gonna make it for lunch, and then Mr. TJ told me they are on 32nd Place, which is off 32nd Avenue, once I take off from exit 3 and take 3 E street up to 32nd avenue. Mila van engine has cooled down enough to get me to exit 3, but right there after making a right turn off highway 8 South and in upward direction towards the top of the little hill on 3 E street where LOVE gas station is, it totally overheated again, and died while curving into the furthest right lane. I lifted  the hood again and was standing in front of my Mila van’s back gesturing my apologies to mostly truck drivers who were passing me with no big deal hands support since it was still to early for busy traffic. I knew I had to give Mila van a good rest because we were going up the little hill next, so I just kept there for some twenty minutes cultivating my samadhi, until Yuma Sheriff parked his 4 wheeler behind me. At safe distance and still inside his vehicle he showed me not to come any closer, while dictating my license plate number into his mike. After few minutes of me not moving any closer a strong and muscular Yuma Sheriff came out, and came close to me.

“ You have your drivers on you?”

“ Sure officer,” I went and got it, “you not gonna give me a ticket, right?”

“ No, just wait here I will be right back.”

Yuma Sheriff went into his 4 wheel drive again and after few minutes came back, and first returned my drivers back to me.

“ I will have to push you off the road, go inside, and put it into neutral,” strong and muscular Yuma Sheriff told me.

“ Ooo you will push me up this hill with you vehicle,?” I was curious.

“ No just go inside and put it into neutral.”

I went inside and put it into neutral, and the strong and muscular Yuma Sheriff pushed Mila van with me and boxes of my two new books inside up some five yards, up the little hill that is, and off and out of the right line of the traffic on 3 E street.

“ I will be on my way to 3:10 mechanic shop and mister TJ in few minutes officer,” I told him so he knows I know what am I doing.

“ You are OK now, and good luck to you, “ Yuma Sheriff wished me and drove away.

Soon after I drove up the little hill and all the way one mile or so past LOVE gas station on 3E street to 32nd Avenue intersection, where Mila van died again right on the traffic light where I was to make a left from 3 E street into 32nd Avenue. Direct experience of disruption was felt at the core of my ego again, and I and I were observing how there was no longer any use of manufacturing artificial security even for the very next moment. I called mister TJ again and told him where I am and that I needed more instruction how to get to his 32nd Place, once I am trough the intersection and actually on 32nd Avenue.

“ I can see where you are,” mister TJ said while I was right at the intersection of 3 E street and 32nd Avenue, with Mila van’s hood up so everybody can see.

“ I am waving at you,” mister TJ continued when I said I do not see him … and then finally saw him only some half mile to the left off 32nd Ave, but with a wide deep ditch and fence dividing his 3:10 mechanic shop parking area and 32nd Avenue.

“ Oo yes I see you now. How do I get to 32nd Place from here?”

“ Just go to next light, then make a right and return to here driving on Florance,” mister TJ was instructing me to go on 32nd Avenue all the way some two miles and at the first light there make a double right turn to return back some mile and a half on parallel road with 32nd Avenue which is Florance. And Florence will end with his 32nd Place.

Once I got going out of that big intersection and made my left into 32nd Avenue Mila van was running kind of smooth and it behaved like he knows it is going to the mechanic. For a minute or so it ran so good I thought for a moment that it fixed itself just like that. But by the time I made a right, and then another right into Florence and then another right from Florence into 32 Place, Mila Van’s engine was very noisy, and rattling all over the place. There you go, I finally run the Mila van engine down I was thinking. Since yesterday while driving with engine signs for which Google warned not to do I kept postponing this moment in order to save both of us from long wait and costly towing service, pursuing reality as I think it should be. And now I have it, engine busted. Over. The acceptance of it landed. I can’t play this game anymore, I was recognizing the value of giving up this game, which I played intuitively without even giving it a good second rational thought. Now I must cede control over Mila van functions to strangers. Holding it all together is not an option anymore.

Thinking like that I parked at Yuma 3:10 mechanic shop. Mister TJ came out, took a snap photo of my license plate, looked totally indifferent at the Mila van’s engine, said nothing and invited me to come into the office. There, no seats for customers, he spent some 20 minutes on the computer and finally printed out some contract papers that “allow me to fix your car,” not saying anything more.

When I asked him how much this obviously big work he did not name is gonna cost me mister TJ started with:

“ Well I see you have some coolant/antifreeze so I will not charge you for that, but, when I order new radiators I always order thermostat too so the parts will be around $ 350 …” and he kept talking and talking while I was realizing he is charging me out of town fleecing of a sheep in trouble rate. I knew from googling last night how the new radiators for Mila van cost $ 200 max, actually between $100 and $180. When he told me the insane final amount including 3 hours of work and the thermostat but no coolant antifreeze charge since I have some, I asked him to please stay at his office just to recharge my iPhone a bit and work out some alternative plan. Mister TJ disappointedly told me to OK thats fine it as long as I need.

I called Richard in Tucson with my iPhone plugged into the wall socket, and when I told him how much it is he “that dude is crazy man, its half that amount” yelled while my iPhone speaker was on, and mister TJ acted busy on his computer.

“ Richard just listen to me, if you can’t do it thats fine, but if you can I want you to rent a U-Haul truck for 24 hours of local Tucson use and also rent a car towing dolly, and come and get me at LOVE gas station at exit 3 in Yuma; and we will go back right away. I will drive on our way back, so we will be done in 10 hours total, and I will have Mila van at my mechanic Mike’s shop so he can see if the engine is busted or not… and will start from there when I know is it even worth repairing,” I was delivering the plan B scenario to him.

“ Ooo yes I know that exit, I was tanking the gas there,” Richard said, “OK lets do it but I think Tom is better in driving big shit like that, so I will call him and ask him to come along too.”

“ OK you talk to Tomashku and I will call you when I get to LOVE in about an hour, I gotta finish charging my iPhone here a bit more first.”

“ OK and also I will call my friend here whose kids live in Yuma, maybe they know somebody who can help you there.”

After another half hour I thanked mister TJ from Yuma 3:10 mechanic shop for his kindness, and with engine not dying but “only” fully overheated again came to LOVE gas station some impressive 3 miles away. Yes heat gauge went all the way up and above overheat line again but I was micro managing every moving moment and needed just to get to LOVE, and if the engine is busted so be it, I will tow it back to Old Pueblo anyway.

From LOVE I contacted Drupon Samten Rinpoche in Escondido again and told I am not coming at all but returning back to Tucson.

It was already after 3 PM Veteran’s Day. I called Richard in Tucson again, his friend who has kids in Yuma that might help me here was not calling him back, but Tom agreed to come along and drive the big rented rig. However not today since U-Haul rental office was not open for Vetaran’s Day, but tomorrow and after he is done with his doctors appointment at 10 and Tomashku is done grading some 40 plus essays by his students at Pima College in Tucson.

The value of moments like this is: I am shown how the game can be given up and that when it is given up, the situation I did not want, is not what is there. What is there is the bare fact of being. Just simple presence remains, breathing in and out, and walking up and down the LOVE station big parking area. The inevitability of the circumstances at hand was compelling enough that my complexity ceased. And my compulsive manufacturing of contrived existence stopped, again.

Uncontrived at LOVE.

Mila van’s hood was up again when hanging out and smoking Mexican truck driver with earphone in his right ear asked me whats wrong. I told him the whole story and he was all triste about it. Then we started talking where is he from and where I am from, originally. I mentioned my code for being accepted by Mexican people right away: Boba Milutinovic – a legendary soccer player of my Belgrade Yugoslavia’s Partizan soccer team from late 60ties, who as a legendary player in Europe gained even more fame and total el dios like admiration as a head coach of Mexico’s national soccer team, when he took them to semi-finals of FIFA World Cup in early 70ties. Smoking Mexican truck driver with earphone in his right ear totally opened up:

“ Of course I know Boba!” he said with great joy, and we started total open exchange of what we think where we are, and what USA is, and all… when a bit run down and worn out, and totally inked man came and also asked whats wrong. I repeated my Mila van story. He opened, un screwed the engine oil top cap, took a sample between his fingers, examined it a bit and said not to worry I did not bust the engine.

“ How do you know?” I asked.

“ If you busted the engine there would be some coolant/antifreeze mixed with oil and it would look like espresso, but your oil is clean so you are good.”

“ Yes I am good to tow it back to Tucson.”

“ Wait let me call somebody,” the inked man said and placed a call.

I figured he must be a veteran since he had all kinds of army ink on his forearms and upper arms.

“ Hey Flash this is Jason, I have a man passing trough and his radiator is leaking … OK, OK, yes …”

“ Tell him I can come tomorrow first thing in the morning,” I suggested.

“ Yes, yes I know, yes, he just told me he can come in the morning. OK thanks.”

So Jason made appointment for me with a mechanic called Flash on Hila Road that is running parallel with highway I-8, some three miles South from LOVE.

He was leaning on Mila van’s side, holding the open hood and was obviously not having any plans, just glad to talk to Mexican truck driver and me. And he got a smoke from Boba Milutinovic soccer legend fan too.

“ So you are a veteran?” I asked after a while.

“ Yes I was in Vietnam. Why?”

“ You should be down on the 4th Avenue at the parade for you man.”

“ Are you nuts, they don’t even give me any health benefits anymore, I am not gonna be a cactus on their shitty show. Do you maybe have some change for a soda?” Jason was clear.

“ No I don’t but lets go inside and I will get you some smokes, and lets have a pizza, its your day man.”

“ If you can afford I will appreciate,” Jason said and all three of us walked into LOVE.

Inside I first got him a soft pack of smokes.

“ Thanks man, I will go out and smoke one more, and you get whatever you want, but for me one extra large soda will be fine,” Jason said.

Pablo and I sat at the Godfathers Pizza and by the time Jason came back I already ordered a Humble Pie Pizza with Mozzarela-loaded crust, extra large.

“ I really appreciate it man, I needed some food,” Jason said with smile on his face that almost made me cry.

“ And I was thinking you want a big soda only.”

“ Yea right,” Jason said, and we were all laughing, and happy we were together.

Then somebody called Pablo, he said he will be right back, but never returned for our Veterans Day pizza.

“ I know him and I know where he went,” Jason told me after few minutes.

“ I think I know where he went also.”

We were laughing again in joy, and he told me how he is basically working different odd jobs for different truck drivers who come to LOVE, and thats how he is making a living. He also told me how he had a fiancé and they lived together until about a year after he came back from Vietnam.

“ My fiancé and I were childhood sweethearts but when I came back and started having some heavy duty nightmares she could not be with me anymore. And I understand, I don’t blame her, sometimes I can not be with my own self anymore, you know.”

“ I hear you man but first things first. You gotta think clearly about it all, you did nothing wrong, they sent you there and once you were there in the Apocalypse Now…”

“ Oo Jinpa I lost myself there, and I did a lots of things there…”

“ Exactly my point Jason, you lost yourself there, and who would not, so be kind to yourself and heal. And you already did heal a lot, you are not on that false parade with people who cut you off from health benefits, but here helping me for real, you are my angel man. And I an glad you are not on that parade. Even a small good you do in your view, can have a big impact, like today. Believing there is a nugget of good to be done will keep you on good path, and that is the wisdom I can share. Acting upon your humanitarian impulses at all times and every day is your spiritual growth and key to heaven on Earth. Your angelic actions re-energize your body and mind, and purify your karma. Feel it, don’t just go trough it with anger towards them. They don’t deserve your energy. Your star shines brightest when you are making a positive difference. No matter how small it looks to you, but to me you did a gigantic good.”

“ I am getting it Jinpa, and I am doing it, its just that I am still so angry at what I did and what they did to me, and how they “thanked” me once I got back. You said  Apocalypse Now, that is how it was.” 

“ Do you know that Apocalypse Now is not even a story from Vietnam?” I asked to cool Jason’s mind engine heat gauge going all the way up and on the way to above the overheat line.

“ Really, how do you know that?”

“ Because Apocalypse Now is a story written by a man from my part of the world, Joseph Conrad, it happened in Africa more that hundred years ago, and Coppola took that story and moved it to Vietnam.”

“ Really, but it was really like that.”

“ Yes, exactly my point, it is happening all over the world, and happening at all times not just in your Vietnam. Don’t start me on my Serbia that was bombarded for 79 days with depleted uranium bombs where cancer is rampaging now but nobody knows. Most important is we don’t want and we are not part of it, but opposite of it in peace and love. Get your complete cosmic positivity on every day when you wake up, and be a part of the solution, and don’t be hard on yourself for wrong done on you.”

“ Thank you Jinpa, you made my day,” Vietnam veteran Jason said to me on Veteran’s Day at Godfather’s Pizza place at LOVE.

“ Are you kidding me J! You saved my journey to California man! If it was not for you I would be towing my little cave on wheels back to Old Pueblo. You are my angel, get that solid in your mind if I made your day OK.”

“ Thank you Jinpa,” Jason said with serious voice on the mission to apply what I just told him.

“ No problem man, but look I gotta go and lie down, I am so tired from all what happen since yesterday, my body hurts, and I gotta rest,” I said knowing we can continue on like this forever but also knowing we have to stop and in that way cherish the experience of what was told, and not wear its power down by talking too much.

“ Ok take the rest of this pizza with you Jinpa and I got to get going back to my buddy anyway,” Jason said.

“ No, no compadre you take it to your buddy, I have a lots of food in my Mila van and will be at Flash’s mechanic shop mañana before eight, and wait for him to open,” I said.

“ OK sir, I will see you there tomorrow then.”

I brushed my teeth at LOVE and then took boxes of my two new books from back of Mila van into drivers seat area all over, and laid down to rest. Fell a sleep in no time, to wake up a bit before 4 am when the Full Moon was coming down and right into the Shri Kalachakra ideogram sticker I have on top of Mila van’s back window, so I can look at it while driving and looking in the rear view mirror.

No kidding, Mila van was parked facing South, me laying down facing West, so that early morning full Moon came into my Shri Kalachakra ideogram that is a representation of the heart chakra of my daily practice. And not half, not even quarter inch to the left or right, the beautiful Luna llena was descending right into the middle of my Shri Kalachakra ideogram that is a representation of my heart chakra… during the early morning at LOVE. I knew, I felt, I breathed I was on the right place and in the right time. Great Pacific on the beach at Cardiff-by-the-Sea, near Encinitas, in my ego’s total 4K (4096 x 2160) resolution was just a grain of sand of the maha experience I had now with Luna llena during quiet LOVE station early morning. I saw how and why I needed this much more than a photo of a sunset by Pacifico grande texted to my latest infatuation… and how I will put a sacred selfie of this experience higher that all I felt regarding my two new books and all my, my and my I felt before overheating.

Until seven I was solidifieing what is and then after some of my fine tea with hot water from LOVE I drove down the Hila Road to Jason’s friend Flash’s shop.

Flash is actually doing transmissions rebuilding and repair only but he took me in for first thing in the morning work on the radiator because of Jason.

I arrived at Flash’s shop on 4701 Hila road in Yuma before eight and ready to wait for him to open; but Flash was already there. You could see, you could feel this man loves his life and his job. He took Mila van right in, along with another vehicle owned by one of his local customers. Flash’s waiting room walls were full of framed photos, memorabilia and letters from happy customers and their vehicles. After few minutes he came into the waiting room and told the local lady customer how he is gonna give her another car to use till late afternoon since he must first take care of me since I am from out of town, and on the way to San Diego, and this way she can take care of her business around town, and her car will be done later this afternoon. Then he sent his accountant to get the new radiator because Auto Parts store delivery will take longer. A bit after nine, while I was reading a little brochure on marijuana healing oil from CBD oil display in Flash’s waiting room, new radiator was in the shop. He took me back to show how and why he ordered big thick hoses as well since old ones “you can see” were worn out and brittle from years of heat of Arizona dry hot weather. I agreed with all Flash suggested and went back to his waiting room to read more of his framed stuff on the walls. It took three hours for new radiator to be all in and done. When Flash came to tell me I am ready to go my bare feet and I and I were enjoying the invigorating shaking of the fourth speed on the five speed foot massager he has for his customers too.

I got cash discount, and with the receipt I got a pen, little sticker note book, and a keychain/flashlight with his shop’s name on it.   

While cruising from one moment to the next in direction of Pacific Ocean and my precious Lama in Escondido I observed wide open sky realizing how great teachings happen if we can just be open to the experiences of profound disruption.